In Doing Good, Modesty is the Best Policy
I could never have forgotten the scene, sensing as I did when I first saw it, its significant, albeit subtle, connection with peace and quiet. The scene is in an old movie classic, the title of which I embarrassingly cannot recall. Fully attired in traditional habit, the mother superior pointedly reminds a young and overzealous recent arrival at the convent: "Do good and disappear. That is our motto." A nun's duty, she instructs, is to perform good deeds without giving a thought to self-aggrandizement or acclaim. This instruction is as provocative as it is wise. It raises an issue equally relevant and important for members of religious orders and lay persons: doing good quietly - and being at peace with oneself and the world while so doing. How often do we do something good on behalf of an individual, a group, or the whole society without making noise about it? When are we content to do a good deed without our name in the headlines, on some plaque or certificate, or on others' lips? Are we ever comfortable doing good without any acknowledgment at all, without even a simple thank you? I can hear noise as I write -- grumbling from readers and people in general. The gripe: "Why shouldn't I get credit for something good I've done?" There's nothing at all wrong with receiving credit where due; this is dictated by honesty and justice. On the other hand, seeking credit -- congratulations, publicity, celebrity -- should not be the foundation or objective of good deeds. In this matter I asked a deep-thinking, very dear friend of mine, Carmen "Mima" Silva, to share her views. "Debemos hacer bien porque es correcto," she said. (We should do good because it's right.) "Hay que hacer bien desinteresadamente, o sea, sin esperar recompensa." (You should do good unselfishly, that is, without expecting a reward.) "La recompensa uno la tiene de lo bien que uno se siente, habiendo hecho bien." (Your reward is the satisfaction you derive from having done good.) I also sought the views of none other than Mima's 83-year-old mother (and my second mom), doña Julia Concepción. "Haz bien y no mires a quien," she said, invoking a proverb familiar throughout the Spanish-speaking world, which literally translates, "Do good and don't look at anybody." Doña Julia explained: "Si tú me haces un favor, que no se lo digas a nadie. Que nadie lo sepa. Porque entonces ya no es favor." (If you do me a favor, you shouldn't tell anybody, nobody ought to know. Otherwise, it's no longer a favor.) "Es decir, hay que guardar silencio en cuanto a los favores." (In other words, you should keep quiet about favors.) Do good and disappear. Keep quiet about favors. Both are ways of expressing the same concept: doing good quietly. This is also known as modesty, discreetness, or self-effacement. These are rudiments of peace and quiet -- whether what's involved is a personal discussion on a bus or elevator, playing music in an apartment, or, as here, performance of a good deed. An unnecessarily large (and suffocating!) quantity of our daily noise is people blowing their own horns. Most of the world's heroes are, and will always be, unsung. Moreover, true heroes are mostly quiet types, individuals possessed of an inner strength -- an internal serenity -- that allows them to contentedly forsake society's obsession with hype, and to happily forgo a pat on the back or treat for every good act they perform. If when doing good we truly believe we're doing the right thing, our heart is at peace, our head quiet, our lips still. When we have to make noise about our good deeds, we are insecure about their value or, even worse, our own worth. John Dallas is the founder of the Bronx Campaign for Peace and Quiet. Recent Sound Advice Columns include:
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