Grappling With War on the Home Front

By HEATHER HADDON

For months, war with Iraq has been debated on TV and in the halls of power and on the streets of New York. But when the U.S. began its invasion last week, that abstract discussion turned very real for many local residents.

Now that war is a reality, many are worried about the safety of American soldiers stationed or soon to be deployed across the ocean to the Middle East. Others are continuing to work on peace efforts. But one thing clear Ñ the war is on just about everyone's mind.

Military families wait, worry 
For two days now, Lisette O'Neill has waited by the phone. She is agonizing over an expected call from her husband, John O'Neill, who will tell her when he will be shipped off to the Persian Gulf from Fort Dix in Trenton, New Jersey, where he has been stationed since Jan. 15.

"It's really stressful," said O'Neill, "One minute you're happy, and then you're crying."

O'Neill is not alone. Stories are percolating about many local residents with loved ones serving in the armed forces. Rev. Jim O'Hanlon, pastor of Epiphany Lutheran Church in Norwood, knows of two parish members with family stationed in the Middle East -- one whose nephew also served in Afghanistan.

While Sergeant O'Neill has served in the National Guard for 26 years -- in Unit 719, Transportation Company 369 -- he has never been in combat. He was on stand-by during Desert Storm, a wait that worried his wife, then pregnant. "Here we go again," she said the other day.

The O'Neills, married for 16 years, have two young daughters who also grapple with the difficult emotions that inevitably come from such a serious situation. "They are daddy's girls," said O'Neill, sitting on the living room couch surrounded by family photos.

Rebecca, 7, looks forward to the letters and weekly visits with her father while he is still in the country. In her last letter, Stephanie said, "I told him 'I miss you, call us.' "

Stephanie, 11, thinks of her dad often. "I always think about what he is doing for our safety," she said, proudly. "I think of him when I do my homework, and the strategies he taught me." Both girls attend St. Ann School in Norwood.

O'Neill is trying to do what she can to "keep her sanity," as she puts it. "I've been watching the news too much," she said, flipping off the large-screen TV. "I'm afraid of the weapons of mass destruction."

To distract herself, O'Neill spends time with other army wives who make the weekly pilgrimage to Fort Dix. Monsignor Robert Trainor and the other members of St. Ann's Church have also provided some solace.

For some peace of mind, O'Neill has decided to volunteer at the Kingsbridge Armory, helping to write letters to troops or whatever else is needed. Just being around others makes her calmer. "We'll update each other on what's going on," she said.

For now, the phone call from her husband -- an outgoing man known by all his

neighbors -- is O'Neill's most pressing concern. "I'll worry about him when he is over there, but not hearing from him worries me even more," she said.

Peace Movement Marches On
Despite the start of the conflict, local anti-war groups continue to speak out for peace.

"I just can't get my head, or heart, around saying we're doing this," said Ruth Wenger, pastor of the North Bronx Mennonite Church in Norwood and a member of Bronx Action for Justice and Peace (BAJP), a local anti-war group that formed in the aftermath of Sept. 11. Wenger, whose church is actively pacifist, devotes a portion of her services to praying for peace. Last Sunday, the congregation held a peace vigil to "express our feelings and sadness, frustration and anger," Wenger said. "We prayed for the lives that will be lost, both the U.S. soldiers and the Iraqis." On March 16, candlelight vigils were held in Riverdale and on Fordham Road in conjunction with similar ceremonies throughout the world.

BAJP joined anti-war groups across the city at a march held last Saturday in Manhattan. Escorted by police, a group of about 40 crossed over the University Heights Bridge into Manhattan and took the subway to the midtown starting point.

Colleen Kelly, a Bedford Park resident who lost her brother in the attack on the World Trade Center, attended the Manhattan march with her young daughter. "It was incredibly validating and hopeful," said Kelly, referring to the 100,000-plus crowd that participated in the predominantly peaceful protest. "There was a deep sense of respect for the commitment of the military personnel, but just as deep was a resolve that this war is not the right thing to do."

Kelly is one of the founding members of September 11th Families for Peaceful Tomorrows, a national peace organization comprised of people who lost loved ones in the Sept. 11 attacks. "We're in this for the long haul," she said about the group's ongoing work to advocate for peaceful solutions to conflict.

Kelly has not been able to stomach watching the war play out on TV. "It's very evocative of Sept. 11 to see burning buildings," she said. But the plumes of smoke symbolize another pain -- the potential harm to the civilians that Kelly connected with while on a delegation to Iraq last month. "I think about the desk clerk at our hotel, and our car driver and the shoe shine boy on the street," Kelly said. "They are real human faces that I can attach the war to."

Wenger, whose husband and children also participated in the march, is trying to remember the bigger picture in trying times. "I reminded my son the other day that, as big and grim as war is, it's only a small portion of a loving universe," she said. "Humanity will somehow get through this."